A little gauntlet throwing.

At the Isotope last week, I asked James how the submissions were going for the Isotope Award for Excellence in Mini-Comics. It sounds like some really fucking exciting stuff is coming in, and I can't wait to see who takes it this year... frankly, I think it's time for some local talent to step up and take this shit, 'cause as much love as I've got for Rob Osborne, Josh Cotter and Daniel Merlin Goodbrey (and hey, there's plenty of love there), I think San Francisco (and its greater kingdom called the Bay Area) is a major hub of indie comics activity and there's no reason why we haven't laid claim to one of these.

I mean, we're the home of the Alternative Press Expo, for Christ's sake. And that's the cool indie con - SPX is in Bumfuck, Maryland - in a fucking Holiday Inn, for Christ's sake! APE is in the promised land of California, the finest state in the union, in the sharpest, slickest, smartest city of California, historical and unstoppable San Francisco! And is APE in some stupid-ass chain hotel? Fuck no! San Francisco knows where to properly hold a convention. It's in the mighty Concourse Exhibition Center, a full block long with great high ceilings and trucks dragging shit in and out of it! You want to put up a poster at the Concourse, you better bring a fucking bolt gun! No goddamn sissy thumbtacks. No complimentary mints on the fucking pillows. Just giant badass showroom space for comics muscle. Hoo-ah!

I'm still curious what you've got up your sleeve, Chris Gumprich, and looking forward to meeting your unfortunately Canadian ass at the APE Aftermath Party on April 8th, 'cause I did really enjoy your "Lessons Learned" columns, but hey - what did Canada ever do that was worth an award? You can't even be cold better than Russia.

Still, I'd rather you have it than some jerk from England, for Chrissakes.

(Growing up a little on the Irish-American side, see, I was taught always to brush my teeth, say "please" and "thank you," and hate the English. Goodbrey's a good guy, and it's not his fault I'm such a racist assblaster. It is his fault that hundreds of thousands of Irish families starved to death in the famine, though.)

Tell your friends, by the way, to stay at the Green Tortoise Hostel if they're looking for something cheap and decent. If they've got serious hotel money to spend, they're welcome to, but the Green Tortoise is just twenty bucks a night last time I checked. Plus, they've got all kinds of cool "see the city" programs going on for tourists. Not bullshit "ooh, look at the seals!" crap, but, like, pub crawls and things like that. And hell, it's in North Beach, reknowned for it's bars, strip clubs, expensive restaurants, singing homeless people, porno stores, and Beat Generation history.

(Oh, and when you're on your way to APE, make sure you don't go to the Navy Yard. It's full of toxic waste the government buried there when they figured the neighborhood was just full of poor black people who wouldn't notice anyway. The only way to get there is to stay on the bus too long - the #19 goes right by the Concourse, but if you're passed out or something and miss the stop you'll end up surrounded by angry disenfranchised mutants.)

Whew! Got myself all worked up today. What was I after? Oh, yeah. I was trying to get my good-ol-boys to enter the Mini-Comics thing. Come on - this thing belongs to California, my brothers and sisters. Entry deadline is March 15th, guys - let's fucking bring it, all right?

...

You assholes down in Los Angeles, you just keep to yourself. I hate you fuckers worse'n I hate the English.